The Virtue of Vice

"A curiosity like mine is the most agreeable of vices."

Would that it were my only vice.

At some point in the past I acquired the habit of smoking when highly stressed. This usually doesn't amount to more than a few cigarettes over a few days, but I've found that smoking has one particular benefit for which I have yet to find an adequate substitute...

Several times while experimenting with isolating and amplifying feedback signals from the 'aether', it occurred to me that it might be handy to have a dimmer switch by which I could regulate the intensity of the feedback. Sadly, by the time I'm groping about for a dimmer switch, it's usually because something has become overwhelming. (Even something that is excessively positive can be overwhelming because of the excess.) Somewhere during my studies I had come across the idea that smoking tobacco had a grounding effect. (If you are familiar with magick or psychic ideas, you'll probably understand what I mean by 'grounding'.)

At this point it's fair to say that any effects that I believe I experience by smoking might be entirely placebo in nature. Nonetheless, I feel more grounded, more cut-off from the stream of feedback, after I smoke. If this is attributable to an actual chemical effect of nicotine, it's going to take awhile to figure out which one(s). "Nicotine seems to improve cognitive functions... in particular sustained attention, focused attention, working memory, short-term memory, and recognition memory." (Now ask me where I got that quote.)

Sadly, if you is looking for hard data on how nicotine might alter cognitive abilities and perceptions, it's usually not available unless you are looking at something that has been classified as a pathology and from which there is presumably money to be made on a 'cure'. This is also a potent reminder that consciousness, while seeming to be a robust phenomenon, is actually quite a fragile phenomenon, in that the qualitative experience (flavor) of consciousness can change quite dramatically according to the relative proportions of the chemical 'ingredients' in the soup.

Is it any wonder then that finding the recipe for the 'perfect' soup has become such a huge industry? In addition to psychopharmacology, tobacco, caffeine, and alcohol are all industries whose sole purpose is to modify the flavor of your personal soup... (Oh for a cool GDP breakdown graph right about now.)

And yet, I'm about to go pour myself a cup of tea. Tea, because I want the caffeine, yet I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I should cut back on how much of it I consume. From past experience though, I know that my resolution to cut back rarely last for more than a week. I suspect that caffeine shall remain a vice of mine for some time to come...